In case you have missed it, I’m working on a new project ‘I SEE you’, creating a large quilted artwork with parent/carers of children (any age) with non-visible disabilities (also referred to as invisible or hidden disabilities)
One of the things my daughter is really benefiting from is the wonderful, inspiring performing art education group near us, Take Part. In a recent letter from the CEO, Louise Coker shared some fabulous words of wisdom about parenting, particularly thinking about the summer holidays- I’m delighted to be able to share some of it here:
“Dr Daniel Siegel, a renowned psychiatrist and author who specialises in child development and neuroscience, has popularised the phrase “connection before correction.” This means that before we try to correct or discipline our children, we need to focus on building a strong connection with them.
On a quest to bond with my turbo-charged (ADHD, ‘neurospicy’) 14-year-old during the break, I’m attempting to squeeze in my morning self-care routine while he enjoys some extra Zz’s (not quite the connection I was aiming for, but hey, we’re rolling with it!). It got me thinking and nudged me to ‘connect’ with fellow parents.
As parents we can find it difficult to be present; life is busier than ever and the challenges can at times feel overwhelming. You often hear ’enjoy it – it goes so fast,’ but some days when I’m finding it really hard to keep all the plates spinning I’m thinking, how?
We constantly question if we’re doing a good enough job. Our minds are overwhelmed, carrying both emotional and practical burdens. Our phones are beeping, parent guilt hangs over us and the daily noise of demands and expectations often means that our own well-being is overlooked, or we don’t count it as being important enough on the never-ending to-do list.
I’ve often wondered what would happen if we took away the clock. As a busy Mum I have become so aware of all that needs to be done by a certain time, even in the holidays! We are dictated to by our children’s routines. Life and time can pile on the pressure, making our daily hustle even crazier as we race to meet our own deadlines. We’re all guilty of wearing ‘busyness’ like a badge of honor, trying to cram a whole lot into our minutes. Sure, speed can give us a rush, but living life in the fast lane can leave us emotionally and physically out of sync.
We might mistake slowing down for laziness, or get a buzz from the adrenaline of busyness, thinking the more we do, the more we achieve. But pausing to savour the moment can bring a different kind of joy into our lives. So, while being busy has its place, it shouldn’t be our forever vibe.
Here are some gentle nudges to help us hit the brakes:
– Spot the moments when you’re racing through life instead of soaking it in.
– Connect deeply with the present moment and important people around you, especially your children.
– Focus on one task at a time and be all in.
– When you’re rushing, ask yourself: What truly matters to me today?
– Sneak in some mindfulness exercises, meditation, deep breathing and journalling to slow down and make space in your day.
– Keep tabs on your perspective, watch out for autopilot mode, and cut down on multitasking.
Mindfulness isn’t just a trendy word; it’s an ancient practice backed by modern science. It’s all about being fully tuned in to the now, without passing judgment. So, let’s dive into the magical world of ‘connection and calm’ together and see how it can sprinkle some extra sparkle into our lives. Before you know it, they’ll be back at school, another Summer will have passed us by and once again, we will be ‘pulled in a new direction.’
Okay, now I’m ready to ruffle some feathers and rouse the sleeping giant! Remember, connection before correction… connection before correction. I really hope his bedroom is tidy!
Enjoy the Summer… intentionally,
Louise x
Thank you so much Louise for letting me share your fantastic words of wisdom. And if YOU fancy a little bit of the mindfulness that Louise mentioned, you could join me in making an embroidered eye for ‘I SEE you’. You can be a complete beginner, or a regular sewer, everyone is welcome, just head over to my ‘I SEE you’ page to find out more.
Lois Blackburn 